I have been going through a lot of changes lately, including picking up and starting a new business and moving into a new city. While moving, I stumbled across an old journal I had written a few years ago. The one piece that resonated with me from my journal was that I pleaded at the end to just find love within myself. To find happiness in me. I wanted self-love so badly but had no idea how to get it or where to start. I was never really shown. So instead of trying, I went into the next 3 years, since writing in this journal (and who knows how long before that) dealing with feelings of self-hate and pain. I knew back then how badly I wanted it, but self-hate became my norm. I tried my best to please toxic people in a hopeless and desperate attempt to feel love. Now that I have finally started to work on myself these past few months I’m starting to figure out what self-love looks like for me, with the assistance of my online coaches, as well as a whole lot of mediation and yoga lately, I’m finally making strides towards taking charge of what I want and letting go of what I don’t need. I am so grateful for this journey that I am committing to working on today and every day, loving myself as I am. If you had a plan of when you would finally love yourself, it’s okay if you aren’t quite there yet. This is one thing I had to learn for myself. I thought things would be rainbows and sunshine but that is not the case. There are still a lot of days that I struggle with loving myself. Be patient with yourself. It might not be tomorrow or next week, but when it happens, it will be the most beautiful experience you will have. You will come to the realization that you are exactly who you are supposed to be, that who you are is amazing, and that your imperfections make you that much more beautiful. Self-love is not an overnight process. It takes time, it takes work, it takes patience and dedication. But once you know what it feels like, even the small bit of that feeling gives you a glimpse of who you are. Those days or weeks when self-love seems far away, you will always be able to come back home to yourself. Because you will know you are worthy of stillness and self-love. Today, I am reminding myself that I can come home to myself. I have been so stressed with so many life changes and some unknowns, that I have forgotten that I am worthy of self-love. So, to remind myself, I am writing a short letter to myself. My letter to myself today is this:
Dear Sha-Asia, I hope you always remember how you are amazing, brave and beautiful beyond the physical. On those days that you forget, I hope you always remember you have the strength to come back, be grounded,forgive yourself and try again.
Love Queen Goddess Mother (ME).
Try it for yourself. Be patient with yourself, be honest with yourself. It is okay if it takes time. But the time that it takes will be worth it, simply because you are worth it.
I love you because you are you